Best Posts in Thread: Any Poets Out There?

Post poems you've created to get criticism, or anything of the sort.

 

your second line is 8 syllables


Ryan, you hurt my head
Why can't you count, it's not hard
You silly Bronze V

EDIT: I posted a haiku to roast ryan because I CAN COUNT

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue...
"BUT VIOLETS ARE PURPLE
NOT FRICKIN BLUE"

 

~+~

There was a young person called Bob,

Who was part of a very angry mob,

Their plan turned to custard,

When they ran out of mustard,

So they started to use corn on cob

~+~


Yeah I love limericks.​

 

My poems are too dark to post on here

 

@Deljikho is best poet.
I'll write something up when I have the time. I just finished an essay and don't want to write anymore haha

 

Plumbers are red
Hedgehogs are blue
I stole this off google
So could you?

 

~+~

How would you like it if you didn't have proper shelter,

food, clothes and have hardly any good water to drink?

Well you know what?

While you are sitting on the couch with electronics surrounding you

There are millions of people around the world

living in conditions opposite to yours

They don't care about taking pictures to gain likes

They care about those leftovers that are piled in the rubbish bin

They care about the water dripping from the running tap you left on

You know what? They care.

Next time you want to chuck leftover broccoli in the bin, think what you would feel if you were in

their situation.

These are important necessities in life we need to take for

GRANTED.

~+~



This is a slam poem I wrote at school just in my free time.

P.S if you want to see my other stories/poems, follow me on
Movellas (username is spongebobninja)​

 

I like the way this is written (it's a little short imo, but I mean short doesn't mean bad, and I have a tendency to ramble)

If it were me (and I'm by no means an authority, http://fanaticalreflection.tumblr.com/ is a little bit of my stuff, but mostly older things) I would elaborate more on the mask especially. What is the mask for? What's being masked?

I personally am a sucker for alliteration, so a suggestion if you wanted some of that would be to rewrite the part about the song of death so it follows the door of death
(i.e. The door of death was drummed upon, and a loved one had answered. Not at all a major flaw, but if you wanted to add more rhetoric, that'd be a way to do it)

I feel like the word "waiting" in the end could be replaced with "longing" for better emotional effect.
For years she waited; / decades turned to centuries / longing, longing for that peace / that comes with eternal rest

That's just the stuff noticed off the bat. Overall it's very well written and I think it has a good shot at your contest. Best of luck

EDIT: Edited spacing on my points

 

My idea of poetry:
​

 

Morning will come
dawn will follow
even if your heart is hollow
love will overcome
the darkness inside
and right next to you Ill be beside
im nothing without you
and even though the crowbs may boo
you'll always rise above, anew
you're stronger then ill ever be
thanks for having faith in me <3

Ill never forget you
until I die
your wonderful cherry pie
its super sweet
just like you
and that's why ill never forget you
darling never leave my side
and I will duefully abide
nothing will ever stop you and I
until the day we die

This was my poem for last years contest and I won !!

 

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Your webcam is on.
And I'm watching you.

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Will you go out with me
Because I like you?

Roses are red
Violets are red
Grass is red
My garden is on fire

 

Roses are gray.
Violets are gray.
Everything is gray.
I'm colorblind.

 

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
If you don't unban me.
I'm gonna kill you

*pls it joke achmd nu kill*