Found some grammar errors you might want to fix:
A little girl the age of 6, running through the redwoods with her, amber curls bouncing with every step.
~ @~Peper~
Subject with no associated predicate (action).
You never specify what the 6-year old girl was doing. Commas separate clauses, and the subject of the clause has no action, leaving a sentence fragment. A verb, even a passive verb such as "is" (being something or somewhere is an action), is needed.
She found herself lost in the woods, Normally a little girl would be frightened by the images of the trees tangled up, making a monster like figure, though she was different.
~ @~Peper~
Run on sentence, period needed after "lost in the woods".
The young girl slowly walked over to a stump and spun the twig on the box, then waited, only being accompanied with the soft melodic chime.
~ @~Peper~
Could be better phrased as "then waited, accompanied only by the music boxes' soft melodic chime."
“Alice, where are you?” A woman called. The little girl stared at the violet, and took in the natural honey smell. “Alice? Darling where are you?” She called again. She stared down at the petals, now rubbing the smooth fabric between her thin, nimble fingers .
~ @~Peper~
Unclear who "she" is referring to at some points, change "'Alice? Darling where are you?' She called again. She stared down at the petals, now rubbing the smooth fabric between her thin, nimble fingers ." to "'Alice? Darling where are you?'
the woman called again.
The young girl stared down at the petals, now rubbing the smooth fabric between her thin, nimble fingers ."
She tried not to look back, knowing that that glimpse of the woman, was only a mere figment of her imagination.
~ @~Peper~
The second comma is not needed, "glimpse of the woman was only a mere figment" would be more correct and flow better.
Then a young teen of 14, followed the boy of 17, hoping he would notice her.
~ @~Peper~
Two mistakes here:
1. Either remove the first comma or change "followed" to following".
2. Should be "a boy", not "the boy", as this character has not yet been previously introduced.
Not in the sense of a romantic tone, yet in the sense where she could tell him anything and he would listen.
~ @~Peper~
Should be "but", not "yet".
and her father abandoned her when she was five in the redwood forest.
~ @~Peper~
Sentence would flow better as "and her father abandoned her in the redwood forest when she was five, place goes before time.
She had no more siblings or relatives, so this might have been her last chance.
~ @~Peper~
Tense error, the rest of the story is in present tense, but "this might have been her last chance." is in past tense. Should be "This might be her last chance".
she was suddenly surprised when the boy turned around abruptly.
~ @~Peper~
"suddenly surprised" and "abruptly" are all somewhat redundant. I recommend "she was surprised when the boy suddenly turned around."
She looked at him with wide open eyes. “Who are you?” The boy asked with a sympathetic tone, though a bit shaken.
~ @~Peper~
Unless I'm misreading it, I think "with a sympathetic but slightly shaken tone." would work a little better.
Other than that, it sounds like a great start to a story. I would definitely read it when it is finished.
Good luck on writing the rest!
