Hey there,
Intro: Tells me nothing about you. Get me interested in you, what do you do as a hobby? What grade are you in? ect.
Why you should be helper: As always, "Helping people" can be done without the "Helper" tag. Convince me why, as helper, you will effectively contribute to staff.
Weaknesses: Your weakness is not a weakness. Weaknesses are, but not limited to: Immaturity, quick to anger, bluntness ect.
Overall, from a 26-year-old I was expecting something much more.
-1.